cambia la estacion

Cambia el tiempo, cambia la estacion... En 5 dias todo a mi alrededor ha cambiado, la lengua, el paisaje, la comida, las normas de comportamiento, el color de las pieles...todo menos yo. Es el unico elemento en comun.

Me siento extranya. Siempre me ha costado un poco adaptarme a los cambios, son como una bofetada, sobre todo cuando son repentinos. Asi que ahora me encuentro respondiendo en Indonesio cada vez que un tailandes me pregunta en tai y comiendo con las manos en un pais donde chuparse los dedos es una groseria monumental pues solo los animales "chupan".

El viaje hasta aqui, duro, largo, agotador, impresionante. Dormir en la estacion a la espera del tren, copas nocturnas con companyeros de viaje en vagones de tren decorados con globos y luces, ninyas malayas burlandose de mi y llamandome "Boy! Boy!", pasarme mi parada (las copas...) ... y tras cuatro dias de buses, trenes y ferries. La playa. El Disneyland de Tailandia.

Ayer era la unica blanca en la ciudad, hoy soy una mas entre tanto turista. Una turista accidentada, mas que accidental.

cajon de sastre (11)

....ando un poco tristona... de ahi el tono de las frases....

"No llores porque termino. Sonrie porque sucedio"

"Incluso cuando estes triste, sonrie. Nunca sabes cuando alguien se puede enamorar de tu sonrisa." Esta es en honor a Pablo. Admirador de sonrisas.

******

...I'm feeling pretty gloomy these days....that's why this type of sentences...

"Don't cry because it ended. Smile because it happened."

"Even when you are sad, smile. You never know when somebody is going to fall in love with your smile." This is a tribute to Pablo, a smile admirer.

on a shoestring

On the road again. On a shoestring this time. Leaving a country where you have spent some time and where you have had a good time it's like leaving a friend. You know you will miss it. You have got accostumed to little gestures, you have learned the language as to go around and make yourself undestood...you have got to know some people and rules.

On the road again. Many things ahead. I'm crossing the Malay Peninsula overland by bus and train. Travelling overland sets my thoughts in motion (and it's cheaper!). It's like meditating. Movement makes me still... Those over there are the Petrona Towers. They don't seem so high from here...

Destiny: The Beach. Hopefully in a couple of days I'll be saying "sawadee-ka" and making a bow to a Thai Inmigration Officer. Only, hopefully, you never know what can happen on your way.

jose luis borges

Es la segunda navidad que una mujer me regala con este maravilloso poema de Borges, la primera fue hace dos anyos en otro momento complicado de mi vida.

APRENDIENDO

Después de un tiempo, uno aprende la sutil diferencia entre sostener una mano y encadenar un alma, y uno aprende que el amor no significa acostarse y una compañía no significa seguridad, y uno empieza a aprender...

Que los besos no son contratos y los regalos no son promesas, y uno empieza a aceptar sus derrotas con la cabeza alta y los ojos abiertos, y uno aprende a construir todos sus caminos en el hoy, porque el terreno de mañana es demasiado inseguro para planes... y los futuros tienen una forma de caerse en la mitad.

Y después de un tiempo uno aprende que si es demasiado, hasta el calor del sol quema. Así que uno planta su propio jardín y decora su propia alma, en lugar de esperar a que alguien le traiga flores.
Y uno aprende que realmente puede aguantar, que uno realmente es fuerte, que uno realmente vale, y uno aprende y aprende... y con cada día uno aprende.

Con el tiempo aprendes que estar con alguien porque te ofrece un buen futuro significa que tarde o temprano querrás volver a tu pasado.

Con el tiempo comprendes que sólo quien es capaz de amarte con tus defectos, sin pretender cambiarte, puede brindarte toda la felicidad que deseas.

Con el tiempo te das cuenta de que si estás al lado de esa persona sólo por acompañar tu soledad, irremediablemente acabarás no deseando volver a verla.

Con el tiempo entiendes que los verdaderos amigos son contados, y que el que no lucha por ellos tarde o temprano se verá rodeado de amistades falsas. Con el tiempo aprendes que las palabras dichas en un momento de ira pueden seguir lastimando a quien heriste, durante toda la vida.

Con el tiempo aprendes que disculpar cualquiera lo hace, pero perdonar es sólo de almas grandes.

Con el tiempo comprendes que si has herido a un amigo duramente, muy probablemente la amistad jamás volverá a ser igual.
Con el tiempo te das cuenta que aunque seas feliz con tus amigos, algún día llorarás por aquellos que dejaste ir.

Con el tiempo te das cuenta de que cada experiencia vivida con cada persona es irrepetible.

Con el tiempo te das cuenta de que el que humilla o desprecia a un ser humano, tarde o temprano sufrirá las mismas humillaciones o desprecios multiplicados al cuadrado.

Con el tiempo aprendes a construir todos tus caminos en el hoy, porque el terreno del mañana es demasiado incierto para hacer planes.

Con el tiempo comprendes que apresurar las cosas o forzarlas a que pasen ocasionará que al final no sean como esperabas. Con el tiempo te das cuenta de que en realidad lo mejor no era el futuro, sino el momento que estabas viviendo justo en ese instante.

Con el tiempo verás que aunque seas feliz con los que están a tu lado, añorarás terriblemente a los que ayer estaban contigo y ahora se han marchado.

Con el tiempo aprenderás que intentar perdonar o pedir perdón, decir que amas, decir que extrañas, decir que necesitas, decir que quieres ser amigo, ante una tumba, ya no tiene ningún sentido.

indonesian curiosities (2)

1. Indonesians do not drink coffee from the cup but they pour it onto the dish and they drink it from it. They say it cools it down. (Indians do exactly the same)

2. While driving their motorbikes, Indonesians wear their jackets the other way around, with the zip to the back. When asked why, they reply to protect their skin from the sun... (??)

last indonesian thoughts

Lately I have been thinking about the similarities between Africa and Indonesia. I keep track of Juana, El espacio de juana, a colombian journalist living in Uganda and so I know that the way mothers carry their babies, the crazy traffic, the public transport, the short warm relationships you establish with anonymous people on the street...they're the same. There, she is a mzungu, here, I am a bule.

I have also been thinking about many things I wanted to have done in Indonesia and I haven't been able to. Like going to the Rambutan Forest, visiting Siak, eating roasted corn at the street near Pekanbaru airport at night... And so many places I wanted to visit: Danau Toba, Papua, Lombok...

Now my time is up. I can always come back but I have a bitter taste in my mouth. Maybe it's the taste of defeat maybe it's only the chili.

In three months in Indonesia I have lived more things that I could ever imagine, more things than back at home in a full year. Maybe that's why although I got myself busted I feel it has been worth. I feel I have been through important meaningful experiences that can only help me in my future.

"Last year I traveled 40.000 kilometers maybe that's why I feel inmortal"

Graham Greene.

cajon de sastre (10)

"Que tendran los asiaticos con las cervezas que siempre les ponen nombres de animales?" Cristina haciendo recuento de cervezas por el sudeste asiatico....

el efecto mariposa

Estos dias de locura, torbellinos y tormentas iracundas han sido los dias mas complicados que recuerdo en tiempo. Todo empezo con un pequenyo mosquito. No se para el resto de gente pero para mi todo es una concatenacion de hechos, como la teoria del efecto mariposa. El movimiento de las alas de una mariposa en Japon puede causar un terremoto en Chile, pues mi mariposa movio y movio sus alas, rompio crisalidas y causo un terremoto a mi alrededor.

Un mosquito me pico para alimentar a sus crias y me trasmitio el dengue. El dengue me postro en cama durante dos semanas y me desplumo (y yo a su vez a un amigo y un amiga). La descolosal factura medica provoco la primera de mis discusiones con mi jefe. La primera trajo la segunda y la segunda inevitablemente la tercera. Las discusiones conllevaron mi desilusion, tristeza, mi decepcion y mi rabia. Y todo esto conllevo una gran pelea sobre mi imposibilidad de ir de vacaciones donde yo quisiera. La retencion de mi pasaporte, mi pataleta. Mi pataleta, el despido. El despido, mas discusiones. Las discusiones, negociaciones. Las negociaciones, nada: Yo teniendo que agachar las orejas y pagar un dinero que personalmente creo que no deberia pagar.

Como me dijo un amigo indonesio "This is Indonesia, Madam!" me lo decia por el modo de conducir, pero creo que la frase encierra mucha sabiduria y mucho contenido en tan simple estructura.

Esto es Indonesia. Las reglas del juego cambian, los valores de la gente cambian, las expectativas cambian, el error es no cambiar tu, para conseguir fluir con tu entorno y adaptarte al medio.

no money, no honey

The day it all started started like any other day. A simple gesture, it's ok my colleague at work said. And like that my passport flew out of my hands. It hasn't come back yet.

Now I'm here in the middle of nowhere, going nowhere, stuck with no passport. My embassy says he's a very polite gentleman. There's nothing better in life than being able to lie.

I'll have to learn some day...

We live alone, dream alone and die alone.

it's just mathematics

In India a friend taught me the theory of the Fibonacci Numbers which appear in most of the shapes in Nature. The Fibonacci series is 0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21...Each number being the sum of the previous two ones. This series defines the structure of a spiral. The spiral is a constant shape in Nature.

Waves are spirals, the pattern leaves draw around the branches of a tree is a spiral, the shape of seashells is a spiral...

A spiral, a continuum, a never-ending three-dimensional curve... We, humans, can not get away from the laws of Mother Nature. We also draw spirals we are forever going through the same patterns in life. It's our nature, it's mathematics.

"Please come with me and detract me from my proud solitude.

I beg yee, rescue me from this prison of arrogance.

Odd, you came all this way just to hate yourself.

Tell me, old friend, why you think it is that your life, everything you do,

with all its creative potential, is regularly marred with self doubt,

self loathing and ruthless self abesement?"

Chris Harper

cuentacuentos / storytellers

No recuerdo si de pequenya me gustaba que me contaran cuentos. No tengo demasiadas memorias de mi ninyez. Ni siquiera recuerdo si mi madre se sentaba al borde de mi cama por la noche con un libro y me leia suavemente hasta que me durmiera. Pero recuerdo historias que mi hermana mayor me contaba mientras se maquillaba antes de salir de casa y yo, miraba embelesada su rostro multicolor reflejado en el espejo.

No recuerdo cual fue el primer libro que lei, pero recuerdo historias que me han impactado, que me han hecho pensar, que me han tocado por dentro, que me han hecho sentir. Recuerdo el primer libro con el que senti miedo. El primero que me hizo llorar. Unos cuantos que me han dado deseos de que nunca se terminaran. Uno que leo y releo y cada nueva vez me entusiasma aunque se exactamente lo que sucede en cada pagina.

Me entusiasman las historias. Me gustan las canciones cuando cuentan historias que me conmueven, me arrebatan los libros con magicas tramas, me enamoran las peliculas y me enamoran los cuentacuentos. Todos tenemos historias que contar. Todos contamos cuentos, nuestros cuentos.

*****

I don't remember if as a child I used to like being read story books. I haven't got too many memories from that time. I don't even remember if at night my mother used to sit with a book at the edge of my bed and used to read softly until I fell asleep. But I remember stories my eldest sister would tell me while she would be putting her make-up on to go out and I would be gazing at her multicolor reflection in the mirror, fascinated.

I don't remember which was the first book I read, but I remember stories that have stunned me, that have had me think, that have touched me inside, that have made me feel. I remember the first book with which I felt scared. The first one that made me cry. Some ones that have made me wish they would never end. And one that I read and re-read and each time it delights me even though I exactly know what happens on every page.

Stories fill me with enthusiasm. I like songs when they tell stories that move me, books with magical plots captivate me, I love movies and I love storytellers. All of us have stories to tell. All of us tell stories, our stories.

cajon de sastre (9)

"Solo tu decides que hacer con el tiempo que se te ha dado" Gandalf dirigiendose a Frodo. El senyor de los anillos. J.R.R. Tolkien

"Only you decide what to do with the time that has been given to you" Gandalf talking to Frodo. Lord of the Rings. J.R.R. Tolkien

"No hay nada peor que depositar toda tu confianza en alguien a quien quieres" (servidora)

"There's nothing worse than depositing all your trust in someone you love" (myself)

"Es duro vivir con miedo, verdad? En eso consiste ser un esclavo" Blade Runner. Ridley Scott.

"Painful to live in fear, isn't it? That means being an slave" Blade Runner, Ridley Scott.

"Si no te quieres quemar los pies, quedate en casa" Inscripcion en un cartel a la entrada de un templo budista birmano, donde todo el mundo se tiene que descalzar antes de entrar.

"If you don't want to burn your feet, stay at home" Inscription at the entrance of a Burmese Buddhist temple where everyone has to take off their shoes before entering.

at the corner

I live in an area packed with primary and high schools so there are all sort of street vendors. This is my favourite one. He always greets me with a broad smile on his face and a slight bow.

I do the same.

fingerprints

The school I work for has arranged a Long Stay Permit for me since I'm supposed to be working here for a year. This type of permit allows you to live and work in Indonesia up to 12 months. This kind of permit also means an astonishing amount of paperwork and money. Indonesian bureaucracy is slow as a turtle and extremely unintelligible.

This morning I have been to the Police Station for the third time in two weeks, they wanted my fingerprints again. Do they think they change from time to time? Two funny things always happen when you have your fingers stained with ink: first, there's never water to clean yourself and second, after you have managed to wipe the ink off with a borrowed tissue, the officer always comes back with a frown on his face and a magnifying glass in his hand and haves you repeat the procedure because there's something wrong.

Not only want they your fingerprints but also your weight, your height, the colour of your eyes, the number of teeth (they check them as if you were a horse) and many other things. I keep thinking if it weren't easier to just take a picture of me and ask for a medical check-up. Do they think I'm going to starve myself in order to look different and get away without paying them? (The Long Stay Permit obliges you to pay a million rupees every time you exit the country)

soul mates

It was early morning in the guest house. She needed to tie her new necklace. She had been looking for somebody to help her tie a slipknot but could find no one. She asked him. He looked puzzled and sleepy, holding a plate of scrambled eggs in one hand and a fork in the other. He said that he was unable to do it although he gave her another option. She frowned and shrugged as if to admit her defeat, she wanted a slipknot for her new necklace.

driving illness away

Asian countries have an astonishing history of massage, each in a different way has its own tradition with variations from one to another but the same common essence: massage heals, massage balances the body energy and prevents disease from settling in.

Indonesian massage is more painful than Thai massage which basically consists of body stretches (yoga-like) and gentle pressure points. In Indonesian massage there are no body stretches and the pressure along the body energy lines is deeper. The course of every muscle is pushed along with deep thumbing. One would think that a tiny Indonesian masseuse is not able to practice such a powerful massage but they are!

Indonesian massage has a history dating back 4.000 years and has strong connections with Ayurvedic massage although it follows the courses of the Chinese energy meridians. And the most important of al it rebalances body and soul.

fumando / smoking

alive

Take a moment from time to time to remember that you are alive. By the most astounding stroke of luck an infinitesimal portion of all matter in the universe came together to create you and for the tiniest moment in the great span of eternity you have the incomparable privilege to exist.

For endless eons there was no you. Before you know it, you will cease to be again. And in between you have this wonderful opportunity to see and feel and think and do. Whatever else you do with your life, nothing will remotely compare with the incredible accomplishment of having managed to get yourself born. Congratulations. You really are special.

But not that special. There are five billion other people on this planet, everyone of them just as important, just as central to the great scheme of things, as you are. Don't ever make the horrible mistake of thinking yourself more vital and significant than anyone else. Nearly all the people you encounter in life merit your consideration.

Don't ever do anything on principle alone. If you haven't got a better reason for doing something other the principle of the thing, then don't do it.

Don't make the extremely foolish mistake of thinking that winning is everything... Taking part is the main thing. Doing your best is the main thing. There is no shame in not winning. The shame is in not trying to win.

Above all be gracious in defeat.

travel tips

Tras la mala experiencia de sufrir el dengue lejos de casa y sola me he lanzado a escribir unos sencillos consejos de viaje para todos aquellos que se lancen a la aventura de los tropicos, se que no se podran comparar con los valiosos consejos de la Paranoid Planet, pero son mis humildes travel tips:

1) Nunca salgas de viaje solo con 3 bragas aunque en principio pienses que vas a estar fuera 2 noches. Todo puede alargarse y es un bochorno estar en un hospital con una bata de esas que te dejan el culo al aire y sin bragas limpias que ponerte!

2) Nunca, nunca olvides tu tarjeta de credito! Una mujer nunca sabe que inesperados pagos va a tener que realizar, que si un caprichito en forma de ropa interior, que si 4000 euros de gastos medicos... lo normal en cualquier paseillo.

3) Nunca nunca nunca viajes sin seguro medico. El seguro de todo un anyo te cuesta lo mismo que unos Rayos X en el Mount Elizabeth Hospital, Singapore. Haz numeros.

4) Ah! Y el mas importante, para viajar por la vida en general, TEN BUENOS AMIGOS que te apoyen en momentos complicados y que te hagan sentir que en el fondo todo en esta vida es una gran broma.

*****

After the bitter experience of having suffered Dengue Fever alone and faraway from home, I have decided to write a few simple pieces of advice for those who would like to venture into the tropics, I know they would not be comparable with those in the Paranoid Planet, but they are my humble travel tips:

1) Never travel only with 3 knickers although you think you will only be away for two nights. Everything can change and it's really embarrasing to be in hospital wearing one of those gowns with the slit at the back and no clean underwear to put on!

2) Never forget to bring your credit card with you. You never know what you might have to pay a whim in the form of underwear, a medical bill of 4.000 euros.... the normal stuff in a journey.

3) Never, ever, travel without travel insurance. One whole year insurance costs the same that an X Ray in Mount Elizabeth Hospital, Singapore. Just look at the figures.

4) And the most important to travel around in this life HAVE GOOD FRIENDS that support you in difficult moments and make you feel that everything in life is a big joke.

sea for smile

He asked her where she had been,
she said that she had swam to the moon.

Sea for Serenity

Chris Harper.

cajon de sastre (8)

"Preferia cuando estaba gorda y era feliz" Olga repitiendome una frase que dijo a alguien que alababa su absoluta delgadez de momentos pasados.

....me acorde de esta de repente, se me habia olvidado lo bonita y profunda que me parecio en aquel momento...

rattling sea haiku

sea breeze takes me home
a sweet dream and a passport
the smell of wet earth

Si dejo elegir a mis pies

me llevan camino del mar

Jorge Drexler

en el laberinto / inside the maze

En estos dias dificiles de negociaciones desagradables sobre temas desagradables que me gustaria no tener que sufrir, regresan a mi sentimientos que hace tiempo me habian dejado, ideas sobre una misma, sobre lo que una cree que es justo, sobre mi bien y mi mal, mi justicia, mis valores, mis principios... mis finales.

Y la cabeza se me llena de nuevo de ideas, de argumentos, de palabras no dichas pero pensadas millones de veces, palabras que me retumban en la cabeza, palabras que se pelean unas con otras y conmigo, que me rebotan y me explotan delante de las narices, palabras que duelen, palabras que me hieren mas a mi que a los otros.

El conocimiento no hace el camino mas facil, solo alumbra un poco de luz dentro del laberinto en que a veces me siento en estos menesteres.

*****

During these difficult days of unpleasant negotiations on unpleasant matters which I'd rather not go through, long ago forgotten feelings come back to me again, ideas about myself, about what I believe to be just, about my good and my evil, my justice, my values, my principles...my endings.

And my head fills up with ideas, arguments, non-spoken but a million times thought words, words that resound in my head, words that fight with each other and with me, that bounce and explode right under my very nose, words that hurt, words that wound me more than they wound anybody else.

The knowledge doesn't make our paths easier although it slightly illuminates the maze where I feel in these chores.

Do not rely on the individuals, rely on the teachings.
Do not rely on the words, rely on the meaning.
Do not rely on the adapted meaning, rely on the ultimate meaning.
Do not rely on intellectual Knowledge, rely on wisdom.

los gilipollas son universales o cajon de sastre (7)

hoy el cajon de sastre va sobre lo que una sabe o cree saber, que es poco y lo que una siente que siempre, siempre es mucho, demasiado quizas.... ir con el corazon en la proa es lo que tiene...

"La sabiduria tiene limites, la ignorancia no"

"Siempre me resulta estimulante encontrar nuevos ejemplos de mis prejuicios, darme cuenta de mi propia estupidez, de que no se ni la mitad de lo que creo saber..." Paul Auster.

"Las revoluciones mas contundentes son las que no hacen ruido" Dani, tratando de calmar a la fiera que llevo dentro, despues de una gran discusion con mi jefe por tema de dinero.

"Los gilipollas son universales" Monica hablando de mi actual jefe.

*****

Today this section is about what one knows or thinks that knows, which is not too much and about what one feels that it's always, always a lot, maybe too much... going round with your heart on the bow of your ship...it's what it takes...

"Wisdom has limits, ignorance doesn't"

"It always stimulates me to discover new examples of my own prejudice and stupidity, to realize that I don't know half as much as I think I do" Paul Auster.

"The most convincing revolutions are the silent ones" Dani, trying to cool me down after a big fight over money with my current boss.

"The wankers are universal" Monica talking about her current boss.